Guilt

There are many types of guilt and right now I am feeling a lot of them.

First off, Blog guilt: it has been a month!!! Where has the time gone!? You have a better guess than me. I practically blinked and all the fun events I was anticipating just soared by. My parents stopped in, I went on a field trip to Vietnam, and then here I am. In so many ways I am thankful for this, but I also wonder when the clock is ever going to slow down a little. It is hard to believe that I will be putting the final chapter on my second year of college when I still feel like I should anxiously be awaiting acceptance letters in the mail. I have grown in so many ways these past two years and I cannot even begin to share the overwhelming joy that that fact brings me. Two years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone who said this is what my life would be like. But it is. And I am in utter bliss.

Second, Vietnam guilt. As many of you know, we just returned from our Educational Field trip to Vietnam. This five day trip was fully of laughs, new experiences, and fun, but also was sobering when we became more familiar with the war we fought there. Because this conflict has distinctly shaped the current culture of Vietnam, it was unavoidable and frankly, extremely important for us as Americans to grasp the amount of damage each side imposed on one another. It was more than hard to sit through but I am very thankful for the opportunity to understand a little bit more about it. I needed a little extra reading material since I didn't take AP US History, and perhaps some of you do, too. So here is a good link to give you some background on the "American War" as the Vietnamese call it: http://www.historynet.com/vietnam-war, http://www.history.com/topics/vietnam-war.

Third, health guilt. For the first time this semester I have actually gotten sick. Yes, the laying in bed all day, not wanting solid food sick and it SUCKS. But silver lining? This is my body's way of telling me to tap the breaks. I have 19 days left in Shanghai. That terrifies me and I have been pushing that fact to the back of my mind. I feel renewed over these past few days as my health has been gradually improving, than I am capable of starting out a new adventure next year. It may seem simple to plop back on a beach in Malibu and take classes but in reality it is so much more than that. I hope that the same sense of pride and community is still there, and though I am confident it is, I look forward into seeing how abroad has shaped my spot in this community. But for now, I'm just cherishing my 19 days.

These are my "confessions" for now. Blessings to everyone celebrating the Easter season!

love,
kpk

PS. Happy Birthday to the most beautiful Mother! On April 2nd, the world became a better place because of you! I love you to the moon and back a million times!